Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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