She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
