why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize