Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
