she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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