Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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