I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize