mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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