I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
