in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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