There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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