So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I want a musical about memes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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