But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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