Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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