My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
