You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
