i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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