Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
