I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
