Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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