you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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