I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
