My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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