I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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