So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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