Can Purell be used as lube?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
