Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
