I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
