I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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