I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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