I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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