too bad you live with your parents still
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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