Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well you can't waste a boner
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
