Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
