when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
