Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
