I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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