the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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