tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
