i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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