His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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