You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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