If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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