There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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