My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my shit smells like andre
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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