Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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