You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
