it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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