What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize