I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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