ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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