All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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