I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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