Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize