But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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