That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
