My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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