wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
