I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
