My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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