ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
