is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
