i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
