moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
