i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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