My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
