He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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