Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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