May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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