2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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