Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
