my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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