I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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