the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
